Why Do I Feel Uncomfortable When Someone Likes Me Back?
“And I said to my body softly, ‘I want to be your friend.’ It took a long breath and replied, ‘I have been waiting my whole life for this.”
—Nayyirah Waheed
- Do you feel sick or awkward when someone likes you?
- Do you feel suffocated or anxious when your crush likes you back?
- Does the thought of being with someone else make you sick?
- Is it lovesickness or something else?
- Why do you become mean to her but nice to everyone else?
The biggest reason a guy becomes uncomfortable and rude when someone likes him back is his fear of love and relationships.
A person who lacks self-esteem and self-respect and doesn’t take the responsibility seriously will always try to run away from someone who likes him back.
But, you may ask, isn’t he the one who tried to impress his crush in the first place?
Let’s dive deep into this.
1. Childhood Trauma
Perhaps, he saw his parents fighting all the time.
Once a child experiences these kinds of relationships with his parents, he creates an image unconsciously in his subconscious brain that relationships do create unhappiness and cause problems in life.
He may actively think he would not be the same as his parents, but once someone likes him back and there is a probability of getting into a relationship, he gets scared.
2. Negative Parenting
- You are stupid; you can’t do anything right.
- You are a failure; you can’t even pass a simple test.
- You are a disappointment; you always let me down.
- You are not good enough; you need to work harder.
- You are fat/skinny/ugly; no one will ever like you.
When parents say these things consciously or unconsciously, a child stores these messages in his subconscious brain.
In adulthood, he still believes he is not worthy of a good life.
This negative belief acts as a defense when someone likes him back.
Someone’s ‘liking’ threatens his negative belief, and when something acts as a threat, he becomes rude and uncomfortable.
3. Low self-esteem
A child can develop low self-esteem when his parents and teachers make him feel neglected; his emotions are not valued, making him believe that he is good for nothing and responsible for every mistake.
Once a person develops a negative self-image, it hunts him in adulthood.
He will run away from responsibilities, be scared of commitments, have poor health, not achieve much in his career, and spend most of his life complaining and dreaming big about life.
He can change this if he lives an intentional life and rewires his brain.
4. He has not been in a relationship for a long time.
Once a person stays single for a long time, he becomes used to it.
Though consciously, he tries to attract someone but backs off once someone likes him.
He fears change because things are always the same for a long time.
Change is scary, no matter how tempting it looks.
Getting into a relationship means getting out of his comfort zone.
5. He was betrayed by someone before.
When someone is betrayed in a relationship, he fears getting hurt again.
He avoids getting into a relationship and even acts rude when someone likes him.
He isn’t able to trust another person who likes him.
He will act distant, rude and uncomfortable when someone shows interest in him.
6. Anxiety and Worry
People who are uncomfortable or feel sick when someone likes them are anxious, worried and fearful.
They fear love and commitment because that’s how they live their lives.
They are anxious and worried about most things in life, like their health, finance, and relationships.
They always think about tomorrow or the past.
They are result oriented and focus less on the process.
They only do something because they want to reach somewhere or achieve some goals.
Once a person only thinks about goals, tomorrow, or the past, he becomes anxious and worried automatically.
Only a free person lives in the present and focuses on the process.
He will do something because it needs to be done, not only because he wants the desired result.
This attitude will reflect in his love life too.
7. Psychological disorder.
A person may go through a psychological disorder like OCD or perfectionism.
In this case, he will seek everything to be perfect before entering a relationship.
He likes things to be in control, and if it seems something is going too fast or too slow, which is not according to his plan, it freaks him out.
The person who seeks perfectionism will never be happy with the outcome of his action because perfectionism is an illusion.
He will avoid relationships until he fulfills his self-promises.
What To Do When Someone Is Scared Of Love And Relationships?
Being scared of love and relationships is not uncommon.
It happens to most of us, and this is perfectly normal.
As mentioned above, the causes of this behavior are break up, divorce, abandonment or rejection during childhood or adulthood.
It creates anxiety to fall in love again or come into a relationship.
The biggest sign that you fear love and relationship is-
- You say you want to be in a relationship, but once someone likes you back, you become scared and back off. Your actions don’t match your words.
But you can overcome this fear.
Here are a few ways to overcome the fear of love and relationship.
1. Rewire Your Brain
Have you ever noticed people who have been the same for the last 5-10 years?
They were chubby in school and college and still chubby after all this time.
It’s because they are living according to the pattern of their brains.
Unless they consciously break this pattern, things will remain the same or worse over time.
If you want to be in a relationship without any fear or worry, you need to break the patterns of your brain.
How to do that?
Take small risks
Don’t let your fear stop you from expressing your emotions or trying new things.
Start with small steps like complimenting, sharing personal stories or holding hands.
This will create new neural pathways in your brain.
In other words, you will start building new patterns in your brain.
2. Accept uncertainty
Bad things happen in life. It doesn’t matter how much you prepare for it or how much you try to avoid certain events.
But the truth is, you may lose the people you love, have a financial crisis, or have health issues.
The point is, you cannot be scared of a relationship just because you fear uncertainty.
Accept the outcome of reality, embrace it and move forward.
3. Improve your self-esteem.
One thing you can do to improve your self-esteem is keep the promises you make to yourself.
If you have promised yourself that you will not eat sweets for a day, then keep the promise no matter how trivial it seems.
Don’t make unnecessary promises which you cannot keep.
Start valuing your words, and you will slowly grow self-respect.
4. Express self-compassion
You deserve happiness.
You are already hard on yourself for a long time.
Sometimes we lose hope because we fail on a lot of things.
We fail in our careers and lose the person we love, and every day seems like a routine where nothing exciting happens.
But, once these thoughts occupy our minds, we forget that good things will take time.
We forget what we can do if we work on our goals for a decade.
Yes, a decade.
Not a month or a year.
Once you have that perspective, things will start to clear.
5. Look into your past.
You need to look back into those unresolved issues from your childhood.
You have seen domestic abuse; your parents never hugged you and never said everything was okay when you were scared.
Now, in adulthood, you are scared of intimacy and relationships.
It would help if you consciously explored how these childhood experiences affect your current behavior.
6. Seek professional help
There is no shame in seeking professional help.
You don’t have to be crazy to seek a psychologist.
A professional therapist will resolve those childhood issues causing fear and low self-esteem within you.
If offline therapists are unavailable in your area, you can also seek online therapists.
Here are some links for online therapists.
7. Communicate your emotions
Express your emotion to the person you like or who likes you back.
Before you scare or act rude to them, tell them what you feel and why you are not ready to be in a relationship.
If the person is right, she will never force or judge you for being scared of relationships.
Summary
It’s okay to feel uncomfortable when someone likes you.
You are not weird or creepy.
Being in a relationship is a change in your life; sometimes, change is good.
You don’t have to run away from someone just because of the fear of commitment.
Yes, you may get hurt again or lose people, but that’s life.
Welcome the uncertainties and move forward with things that you think are right.
Best
Ahbab
