Don’t Wallow in Self-Pity | The Danger and How to Stop it Before it’s Too Late.
“All depression has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously.” – Tom Robbins
- Do you feel like your life is very hard and nothing goes according to your plan?
- Do you think your problems are bigger than others and God doesn’t love you?
- Do you feel sad for yourself?
- Do you feel exhausted, mentally fatigued with all the daily struggles in your life?
If you answer ‘yes’ to one of the questions, this article is for you.
What is self-pity?
We all have our troubles and sorrow in our lives.
I know you have your own too.
Feeling sad that you have lots of trouble, and despite working hard, it seems your life doesn’t get any better.
Moreover, you are feeling a sense of helplessness.
This is self-pity.
Self-pity is a state of mind where you feel sorry for yourself because you have suffered a lot and faced a lot.
You may also think your troubles are worse and bigger than other problems.
Perhaps they are, but you need to remember that wallowing in self-pity will not solve any of your problems.
What does wallowing in self-pity means?
It only means you are indulging yourself in sorrow and negative thoughts.
Sometimes, wallowing in self-pity acts as an excuse for not taking action in life.
You may say to yourself, what’s the point of doing anything? My life is already ruined or bad; you will never be happy like others. It’s all pointless.
It’s okay to feel bad or pity yourself.
It’s not okay to indulge yourself in self-pity.
Examples of wallowing in self-pity talk.
- Why do bad things always happen to me?
- I am always unlucky, and nothing goes according to my plan.
- I always get hurt in a relationship. Why does God hate me?
- No one understands me. No one knows what I am going through.
- I will never be successful in my life because I don’t have what others have.
- Life sucks; I am not good at anything.
- I am not good for anyone.
- I am the one who always sacrifices for others, but no one cares or does anything for me.
What is the danger of wallowing in self-pity?
Success and happiness are all about our energy.
We have limited energy on a daily basis.
Imagine there is a bucket of water that represents your energy. This bucket of water is used daily and replenishes every morning after your good night’s sleep.
You can do multiple things in a day with this bucket of water or energy.
You can use it to solve problems, have a good workout, or perhaps use it for creative work.
Now, imagine what happens if there is a leakage.
The water will drain away without using it for any purpose.
Negative thinking, talking bad about others, worrying too much about the future, thinking too much about the past, and wallowing in self-pity are the leakages of our energy.
If there are leakages in your bucket, it will be very difficult to complete your work, solve problems, or accomplish anything in life.
Here are 7 confirmed dangers of Wallowing in self-pity.
Loose interest in life
Too much self-pity is dangerous. It will make you feel like a victim of this world. You will feel low and unhappy most of the time.
The more you feel sorry and bad for yourself, the more you will lose interest in life.
Drain your mental energy
Self-pity will drain your mental energy because you start to believe that you are already a victim and that life cannot be better from here.
Important things will seem pointless to you, and you will find it difficult to complete simple tasks.
Frustration, self-loathing and anger issue
Of course, you will be frustrated with your life. If a person cannot do the things he desires or cannot achieve his dreams, he will become frustrated and angry over time.
Sometimes, a person can still be frustrated by doing what he desires and achieving his dreams.
This is because this person is not a process-oriented man. He is a goal-oriented person.
I have talked about this in the later part of the article.
Make you selfish and less concerned about others
You cannot make others happy if you are not happy in the first place. Once you wallow in self-pity, you become the center of attraction for yourself.
You will always think about yourself and why your life is so miserable and unjustified.
It’s all about you now, and you don’t have time for anyone else because their problems are smaller than yours.
Chances of developing addiction
You don’t derive happiness from your work anymore. The things that used to be interesting before are boring now.
In this case, you will look for pleasure in easy activities where you don’t have to do much work.
Pornography addiction, cigarettes, alcohol, talking bad about others, gambling, and earning quick money schemes are some examples of addiction you can develop.
Damage your self-respect, self-confidence and cause anxiety
Self-pity will only damage your self-respect and self-confidence. This is because you will start doubting your abilities and power when you cannot perform your duties or keep your promises to yourself.
This will cause fear and anxiety because of the inability to achieve anything in life and lower your self-confidence.
Your relationships will deteriorate over time. You are unhappy, and you cannot keep anyone happy because there is no strength left to work on your relationships.
You may lose your girlfriend, get a divorce, or have arguments with your parents, and you may think this is because god doesn’t love you anymore.
Until you realize most of the causes of your unhappiness is you.
You can fix it and make your life better; this is not just a wish.
It is possible.
Here is how.
10 ways to stop wallowing in self-pity and build an active and successful life.
Do you remember what the Grinch from the movie ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas’ quotes about his life?
“4:00, wallow in self-pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercise; 6:30, dinner with me—I can’t cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing… I’m booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness.”
Grinch seemed to have a busy schedule all day with self-loathing and negative thinking.
He may put his words about his thoughts and daily activities, but most of us don’t know that we are doing the same unconsciously or, perhaps, consciously.
If you want to stop self-pity and change your life-
1. Respect others’ points of view, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept them.
- When someone achieves success, we say it is their daddy’s money, they are lucky, they don’t deserve that, etc.
- Some prevailing examples are when we see someone’s instagram account get boosted just by making reels on dancing and doing something trivial, we never appreciate them.
- We think we deserve more because we work harder, and we are from a poor background, etc.
- Vegetarians don’t respect a non-vegetarian because they believe they are superior, and non-vegetarian don’t respect a vegetarian, thinking they don’t know their real taste.
- A struggling vendor or entrepreneur doesn’t appreciate other successful startups because they achieved success within a few years while the vendor has been trying for a long time.
The point here is you are only leaking the bucket of your daily energy through hate, jealousy, and talking and thinking negatively about others.
To understand what I am talking about, start thinking from their point of view and appreciate what they do.
Appreciate with your heart and not because of formality.
Respect their views and opinions about their life, and work.
It doesn’t mean you have to accept it.
Once you do this, you will feel a surge and boost in your energy as well, which will make you happy and productive in the long run.
2. Accept the challenges in your life.
Tough situations create tough people.
Bad things happened in your life, and maybe the worst things are about to come.
Crying and feeling sad for yourself will not solve these issues.
Accept reality because it is what it is.
It isn’t easy to accept the truth, but denying it will not take you anywhere.
The only way to solve your problems is by taking action.
Appreciate not only others but also yourself and what you have.
If you don’t have anything, at least you have your senses with you.
At least you are here to rebuild your life.
Atleast, you are taking steps to improve your life.
That’s something because most of us don’t know what to do and keep living a routine life we don’t like.
4. Challenge your negative beliefs.
We believe what our brain thinks is true.
What you think about yourself can be deceiving.
Perhaps your parents never encouraged you in your childhood and said you were not good enough.
They scolded you for your little mistakes or compared you with others who scored better in their examinations.
These events create patterns in your brain.
These patterns always remind you why you cannot do much in your life, why you will always fail and why you should pity yourself.
But, if you challenge these negative beliefs or patterns, you can overcome them.
Your opinion about yourself is not necessary to become your reality.
5. Keep the promises you make to yourself
Keep the small promises that you make to yourself every day.
Waking up early, not eating sugar for a day, going to the gym, meeting someone on time, taking your bath on time, etc.
Honor your promises to yourself because you will grow self-respect once you start honoring your words.
A person who has self-respect will always be disciplined in life.
6. Focus on your personal character.
Fulfillment and success are all about character.
Don’t focus on how to earn money and become rich if you don’t make your bed in the morning or wash your clothes on time.
Don’t think about how to make your business successful if you don’t have a healthy lifestyle.
The point is you cannot expect success in one area of your life when your other areas are messy and disorganized.
A person cannot achieve success and happiness with dual character.
Someone who puts their clothes in their proper place, cleans his room, and does cooking on time will always be happy and successful.
His character will be reflected in his profession as well.
7. Avoid short-term gratification
Everything has a price.
We may think eating sugary foods, watching pornography, or playing too much video games is good because it makes us happy.
But we are only fooling ourselves.
True happiness comes from your values and what you believe in.
If you believe in productivity, you can never be happy by wasting time.
The problem with short-term gratification is that these activities are very addictive and easy to do.
Once your brain finds a source of pleasure, it tries to repeat the same activity repeatedly.
8. Rewire your brain
A person whose brain has been wired for self-pity will always pity himself whenever he faces trouble in life.
This is a pattern, and until and unless you break this pattern, you will always be a victim in your eyes.
To break this victim mindset, you need awareness.
Whenever you are in trouble, put your emotions aside for a minute and analyze how to improve this situation.
Whatever happened is already done, and you can do nothing about it.
You need to understand that no one is coming to save you; you are on your own.
It may take a month or a year, but you can improve your life.
Once you have this mindset, your brain will be wired for new patterns.
9. It’s only ‘Now’ that matters.
You are not in tomorrow or the past; it’s only a projection and memories of our brain.
You don’t have any power in the future or the past.
Whatever you can do is in the present.
The point is, do whatever you need to do and perform your duty because that’s your ultimate reason to be alive.
If you do something only to fulfill your desire or reach a certain goal, don’t do it.
Do something because you love to do it.
A process-oriented man is much happier and more successful than a goal-oriented person because he lives in the present.
10. Seek professional help
The limiting beliefs you have because of your childhood trauma or because of certain failures in life can keep your self-esteem low.
It is always advisable to seek professional help to unlock the knots of your emotions that are hidden within you.
A professional therapist can help you to raise your self-esteem and live a better life.
You can seek offline therapists and online therapists as well.
Some of the online therapist links have been given below.
Wallowing in self-pity is dangerous because it leads to a victim mindset.
It will drain your mental energy, and you will find yourself crying in the corner most days.
This can lead to depression and create a deep belief that you are good for nothing.
You need to take steps to improve your life.
The first step is not to wallow in self-pity.
It’s okay if your life is bad and you are having too much trouble, but you can work on it.
You can always work on yourself.