Is It Normal For My Girlfriend To Hit Me? 10 Things To Do Right Now Including Legal Action.
No, it’s absolutely not normal for your girlfriend or wife to hit you.
You may have the misconception that it is ok for your wife or girlfriend to beat you, but it’s not.
There cannot be a relationship when there is abuse of any kind, physical or mental.
But how common do males face domestic violence?
Let’s share some facts.
- 1 in 10 men (10%) in the US has experienced rape, physical violence, and stalking by a partner.
- 1 in 7 men (13.8%) experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime, such as being hit with a fist or something hard, kicked, or beaten.
- An intimate partner raped almost 29% of male rape victims.
- 1 in 14 men (7.15%) was “made to penetrate” someone (completed or attempted) during his lifetime.
Note: “Made to penetrate” is a term used to describe sexual violence in which a person is forced to penetrate someone else’s body without their consent. This can include forced vaginal, anal, or oral penetration.”
From these data, we can safely imply that domestic or sexual violence is common among males.
How to identify if your girlfriend or wife is toxic?
Sometimes your wife or girlfriend may yell at you or beat you for fun. It is just like teasing, and there is nothing serious about it.
But, if a wife or girlfriend does one of the following things, you should reconsider your relationship.
1. Shaming you in public
Suppose you are at your friend’s birthday party, and your wife talks about you with your friends regarding how useless you are, don’t have any dressing sense, cannot do small things, etc.
And God has to come and save you if you do something which makes her look bad in front of everyone.
This is a clear sign that your wife or girlfriend doesn’t respect you, and there is no point in this relationship.
2. Doesn’t Respect You
A relationship is built on mutual respect.
It doesn’t matter how good you are in bed, how much you earn, or how much you love her if she doesn’t respect you.
Sooner or later, there will be clashes, and things will go bad.
3. Have anger issue
Sometimes your wife or girlfriend shows love and respect, but once you make a mistake or make her feel bad, she will yell at you or beat you because of her short-term temper.
Anger issues are psychological and may have various reasons, like childhood trauma or stress in life.
No matter the reasons, any kind of physical abuse is unacceptable in a relationship.
She may say sorry and never be angry again, but that’s a lie.
Seek counseling for her, or get out of the relationship sooner.
No one has the right to control someone else in a relationship.
A person should be free from all barriers, restrictions, and rules their partner imposes.
The more you try to control it, the worse the relationship will get.
Once your girlfriend or wife starts saying things like, you should stop talking to her, you should stop doing this, and you should do the job instead of following useless dreams, it’s time to get out of that relationship.
5. Over- Possessive
Some amount of possessiveness is cute and healthy in a relationship.
Things go bad when the wife or girlfriend becomes over-possessive.
This is because they don’t trust you or have a fearful attachment relationship style since childhood.
In this style, a person constantly fears that their relationship will not last very long and they might lose their partner soon.
Therefore, they become possessive and try to control the person whom they love.
Once you try to control someone, conflict occurs.
6. Negative Criticizing
Sometimes in a relationship, criticizing is good, like when you are a lazy bum who sits all day on your reclining sofa and plays video games, doing nothing.
But, if your wife or girlfriend constantly criticizes you for almost everything you do, you should rethink the relationship.
A few examples like you are good at nothing, you are useless, cannot do small work, and don’t become too happy for achieving such a small thing, etc.
If she says these things, you should quit that relationship instantly.
7. Make You Feel Inferior.
There is no inferior or superior in a relationship.
In a relationship, the partners should have equal importance to each other.
If your wife or girlfriend makes you feel small or inferior, then you should talk about this issue directly to her, or you may leave because there is no happiness in this kind of relationship.
8. She is dishonest
If she constantly lies to you, then it may be a sign of a toxic relationship.
Sometimes, your wife or girlfriend can lie to you because they don’t want to burden you with more stress or make you feel bad.
Therefore, understand the context of lying before coming to a conclusion.
Things can escalate in relationships.
Don’t live on the assumption that your wife or girlfriend is different and gets angry or beats you out of love.
In Assam, a remote state in northeast India, a wife killed her husband and mother-in-law and chopped them into pieces because of an internal quarrel.
The news is shocking and disturbing.
The link is given below.
There are various other cases.
I am not scaring you; I am just trying to make you aware that a toxic relationship is not okay.
The husband gets divorced and pays his ex-wife most of his lifetime income.
The boyfriend gets arrested because of false charges by the girlfriend of physical abuse and rape.
The examples are endless.
10 Things to do Right Now if Your Girlfriend Hits You.
1. Express to your partner
Sometimes your girlfriend or wife may not know she is yelling at you.
She can be toxic because that’s how she was from an early age.
Nobody told her it was not okay to behave that way because people may get hurt.
If your wife or girlfriend is emotionally abusive, talk to her about how you feel and how this is not okay.
Sometimes making someone aware of their actions works.
But, if she attacks physically, there is no point in explaining.
2. Come out and share
When you are not the victim, your brain will work better, and obvious things will seem simple.
But simple things will seem difficult if you are going through emotional trauma.
You may not come out and share that your wife or girlfriend hit you because of shame or fear.
If that is the case, talk to someone close to you, like your family or friend, someone whom you trust and rely on.
3. End the relationship.
This is as straightforward as it sounds.
Once your girlfriend hits you, there is no point in continuing this relationship.
It’s difficult to end, and she will try every possible way to make you stay, like emotional blackmailing, gaslighting, and putting the blame on you, but you should stay strong on your decisions.
Note* “Gaslighting” is a form of emotional abuse that involves manipulating someone’s perception of reality to the point where they doubt their own sanity or feel confused, anxious, or uncertain about their own memories, beliefs, and perceptions.
4. Seek counseling for yourself
You may experience trauma or difficulty processing emotions like joy, pain, or anger.
Your partner may dominate you in such a way that you feel like life is dark, and there is no way out; you may even have suicidal thoughts.
In this case, a therapist is the best way to process your emotions and bring your life back on track.
Resources on therapists are given at the end of the article.
5. Seek counseling for your partner.
Sometimes your partner feels bad about her behavior because she cannot control her impulses of abusiveness.
If this is the case, talk to her and seek a therapist for your partner.
This applies only if your partner has agreed to see the therapist. It would be best if you don’t force her.
6. Protect yourself
Your wife or girlfriend may try to hurt you, threatening your life.
If you do feel fear about your life in the relationship, there should be a reason for it.
If that is the case, try to protect yourself by-
- Leaving the situation immediately. Take your kids with you if you have any.
- Contact the local hotline number for help.(The domestic violence hotline number in the USA is 1-800-799-7233, (800) 799-7233)
- Please follow the link for hotline numbers: Hotline numbers.
- Document everything as proof: Record dates, locations, and incidents of physical abuse and threats, which will help in legal actions.
7. Don’t scream or yell
Don’t scream and yell when your wife or girlfriend is yelling.
Things may escalate from there if your partner has anger issues.
Rather get out of the way, and have some alone time or listen calmly until she cools down.
8. Keep a journal
Writing does help to pour your emotions out. You may be unhappy and frustrated because of the toxic relationship and unable to have a clear mind.
Write it down, and things will start to become clear.
9. Seek a protective order
When things go out of your hand, it’s time for you to seek legal help.
Seek a protective order before she proceeds further and hurts you physically.
Find a local domestic violence lawyer in your area, and seek a protective order for yourself.
What is a protective order?
We discussed it after the 10th point.
10. Seek a restraining order.
Just like a protective order, you can also seek a restraining order. The difference between a protective order and a restraining order is given below, and the proof you need to seek those orders are also provided.
Protective order vs Restraining order
A protective or restraining order is a legal order designed to protect a person from domestic violence.
However, there are some distinctions regarding the purpose and legal process.
- Issued in case of domestic violence.
- Intended to prevent further harm by ordering the abuser to stay away from the victim, their house, and their place of work.
- It can require the abuser to attend counseling or other forms of intervention to address their behavior.
- The requirements for obtaining the order can vary by state but generally involve providing evidence of the abuse or harassment.
- It can be obtained through family court.
- Issued in case of various situations, such as harassment, stalking, or threats of violence.
- A restraining order can be obtained against anyone who is not in a relationship with the victim.
- It can be obtained through a criminal court or civil court.
- The requirements for obtaining the order can vary by state but generally involve providing evidence of harassment or threat of violence.
What proof do you need for a restraining / Protective order?
The proof for acquiring a restraining or protective order may vary from state to state and the situation of the case.
But here are the common proofs that are needed.
- Evidence of behavior: The abused must show evidence of threats, harassing, or beating. This may include text messages, social media messages, phone call records, video records, voice mails, emails, etc.
- Police report: If there is a police report which was filed earlier in the time of harassment, it will help.
- Medical records: If there are medical records because of injury done by the abuser, it will work as proof.
- Witness statements: People who witnessed the behavior of the abuser can give their statement to obtain a restraining or protective order.
Here are some links that may help you to find qualified attorney in USA who deals in domestic abuse:
Here are some links that may help you to find qualified therapist who deals in domestic abuse:
Sources of the article
For statistics of domestic abuse on male.
Articles taken as references