The Unauthentic man- A story to improve self-esteem. (3)
Everyone wants to be like Josh, but nobody wants to be with him.
“Who is that guy?” Brenden asks his colleague, on the first day of his new job.
“He is Josh. The brilliant guy in the room, right now.” the colleague replies. There are more than 100 people on the floor.
Everybody is busy with their task to take their Digital marketing company to the next level. Brenden hopes he could too, contribute his share to this newly established company.
“Yea! How is that?” Brenden asks his colleague again without shifting his eyes from Josh; a thin but tall figure dressed heavily in a suit and formal boot.
“Since our company hired him as the creative head, his ideas boosted this company. His ideas are unique and sometimes I wonder where the hack he gets it.” his colleague, a fat short spectacle guy, scratches his head as if he is really thinking about Josh’s ideas.
“Seems like he loves his job,” Brenden speaks to no one but himself, but audible to his colleague, of course.
“Yeah, dude. Everyone is friendly here and everyone loves his job, but Josh is different. Rumors are there, Josh caged himself in a room for three years just to study and get knowledge on marketing. He knows all the ins and out and he is really good at what he does.”
“Umm..hmmm” Brendon still watching Josh, nods his head. Josh, on the other hand, is talking to a group of clients, shaking their hands, and smiling as broadly as he could.
“This only means we have got a new deal.” the colleague speaks up near Brenden’s ear, “See, how happy he is. Josh is very good at making and cracking deals. I wish I could talk like him.” The colleague signs and sit back to his office chair.
Brenden stops himself from peeking through the top of his chamber and takes his chair back near to his colleague.
“So, Josh is the soul of the company.” Brenden cannot stop himself from asking questions about Josh. He has joined only four hours ago, and now he is intimidated by the character of Josh.
Josh is like those characters in college who are always teachers and parents’ favorite. Brendon is neither of them.
“Yes, Josh is awesome.”
“Did I hear my name.” Josh pops up like a ghost. He is wearing heavy perfume and his smile and aura of positive energy are radiating from his suit.
What a guy!
His colleague jumps at once and says, “No, No… I am just introducing our new joiner to the staff.”
Josh at once extends his hand to Brenden, “Hey, welcome to our small community. I am josh, the creative head and If you need more info about myself, just ask anyone.” he winks at Brenden and let out a robust laugh.
Damn, this guy seems happy.
Brenden force himself to smile, because his brain freezes for a few seconds. He never dealt with such kind of strong personality before.
That evening, on his first day in office, everyone celebrated Josh’s success in getting the multimillionaire deal.
The next few days in the office go well and Brenden familiar himself with all the other colleagues too.
One day something unexpected happens:
Josh files out of the CEO’s office as if he is going to jump from the seventh floor, the CEO was on his heels.
“You cannot run out like that.” the CEO cried in front of everyone. This is shocking to Brenden and probably to everyone else.
The CEO never yells, nor in front of the staff neither in her personal life. This much information Brenden has acquired from his colleague.
“Talk to me, Josh, talk to me. You cannot put the company at risk. Don’t run away. Coward”
Josh stops abruptly and wheels around to his CEO, “I am not a coward. I told you I will fix it. Give me time.” his voice is not soft either. He speaks to his CEO as if he is speaking to his juniors.
Everyone is peeking over their chambers to watch the office drama, that is currently going on in the middle of the floor.
Kaitlin, another colleague of Brenden, sits next to him and watches the ongoing dispute.
“Hey, what is going on” Brenden leans his head towards her and whispers loud enough to reach her ear.
“You don’t know? Oh, you are the new guy. This happens every month. Josh is like that.”
What? He didn’t say this out loud.
She continues, “I wish he leaves our company. After he becomes our creative head, the productivity of our company has gone down, several clients left us and nobody put a finger on Josh.”
Brenden has to drink a glass of water before he could ask his next question, “But, I don’t understand. He is a genius and brought several new clients. Right?”
“Based on lies and yes, he is talented and all, but that doesn’t make him fit for our company.,.. Or any other company.”
She looks at Brenden’s eyes and continues to explain further, perhaps because of the confused face he is wearing, “Look, Josh is a great guy, but something is missing about him. He laughs at his CEO’s jokes which are not funny. He promises big but seldom he delivers. He lies to clients to get deals, he is..he is.. “ it seems like she wants to put a level on Josh, a name that suggests his character.
“ An inauthentic man?” Brenden signs and sits back to his chair. Of course, he comes across these people before. They are everywhere.
These people say something and do something else. These people promise something and deliver something else.
“Yes, he is not authentic. Everybody wants to be like Josh, I am talking about his talents and communication skills, but nobody wants to be with him.”
Three qualities you need to live a happy and successful life.
There are three qualities you need to be successful in life.
- Competence
- Communication
- Integrity.
This article is about the third quality, integrity, which is also one of the basics for improving your self-esteem.
But, let’s talk a little about the first two qualities.
1. Competence:
To be successful in life you should be competent in something. Sachin Tendulkar is competent in cricket, Bill Gates is competent in programming, Ed Shareen is competent in singing, etc.
They are best at what they do. So, to increase your competence, devout time in learning rather than earning.
Because you can attract success only by becoming more competent. I am not talking about the bitcoin millionaires here, those are one in millions, don’t expect to be that lucky and sit all day in your house.
So, go to a library or cage yourself in a room for a year, I don’t care, but increase enough knowledge and experience in your field that you become an expert for your field.
This is of course not easy to remain productive every other day, and that is why this blog has been created.
2. Communication:
There are examples of thousands who are more competent than required but not a good communicator.
I remember my maths school teacher, who had a vast knowledge of mathematics but whenever he tried to explain something, it flew above my head. I am not saying I didn’t pay attention, trust me, I tried my best, but I just couldn’t understand.
There are mainly two ways of communication: verbal and writing.
You have to be good at at least one.
Your way of speaking reflects your personality, and when the receiver understands your message without brainstorming, he/she likes having a conversation with you.
When you share your expertise with others, make sure you are improving your communication skills.
3. Integrity:
This is the topic of our article. There are millions of people who have the above two qualities and they become successful sooner or later for some time. These people always lose the fortune of happiness and wealth someday.
The third and most crucial factor of a successful life is your character.
What kind of character do you have?
Do you practice the same as what you preach?
You may teach your children that lying is bad, and you should always be honest with others. Stealing is bad, honor your commitments, and be truthful.
Do you follow the same, what you preach to your children?
Perhaps, you are not married yet, you have principles regarding you that honestly is the best policy.
So, when your parents call you and ask what you are doing, you reply that you are studying, but in reality, you are hanging out with friends in the local cafe.
You may say, why to bother telling the truth and hear a lengthy speech from my mother, a small lying doesn’t affect her nor me.
But, this small lie affects your self-esteem. There is somewhere in your brain, that learned that you are not brave enough and there is nothing to be proud of about yourself.
That voice is disturbing.
Do you keep your promises?
Your boss has ordered you to finish the project by Monday, but you know that this will take a lot of time and you probably will not enjoy your weekends. But, if you say that you cannot complete the project by Monday, your boss will be pissed off.
So, instead of making your boss angry, you tell her that you will finish the project by Monday, with a fake smile.
Your boss is happy to hear this and you feel happy that you pleased your boss with an almost impossible commitment.
By Monday, you couldn’t finish half of the project and you start blaming your boss that, “how could she expect me to complete this monster in two days. Does she have any brain in her big head.”
You are angry and frustrated, but when your boss summons you on Monday to explain the project, your heart starts pounding.
Now, your boss is angry too for not completing your project on time. Moreover, your subconscious starts believing that keeping promises is something that is not important to you, and in the future when you start your own projects, the same thing happens; you don’t complete your project in time.
“Oh, who the hell cares, I can never work with a deadline. That is how I am,” you say something like that and start procrastinating.
This affects your self-esteem because of your inefficacy.
Do you deal with others fairly?
You have a grocery shop and you can see that in this COVID pandemic, there is a good chance to increase your profits.
You charge twice the price, taking advantage of the situations because everyone is doing so.
No one can put a finger on you, because this is how it works now. Every shopkeeper is involved in unfair trade practices, why not you.
This only means, every shopkeeper is having low self-esteem than why not you?
You earn a lot but something is bothering you at the end of the day.
You know this is not the right way but you still do it, because of what? … Greed.
“My self-esteem is more valuable than any short-term rewards for its betrayal.”- Nathaniel Branden
When our soul is corrupt, it becomes difficult to live a happy life. When we start to live a life that does not align with our moral judgment of what is appropriate, it becomes difficult to see ourselves in the mirror.
How can there be self-respect, if your character is already corrupt, how can there be self-worth if you know, the ground you are standing now is not made from the truth but lies.
Because, Self-esteem is the confidence in your ability that you are worthy of success, worthy of happiness; self-esteem is the confidence in your ability that you trust your brain and you can achieve anything if you set your mind to.
You don’t rely on external happiness to become happy, you don’t need affirmation from others that you deserve happiness. You already know that and your subconscious brain already knows that too.
Self-respect and self-efficacy are the two key components of self-esteem.
Integrity affects your self-respect.
Your wife calls and asks where you are, but instead of saying the truth that you are hanging with your friends in a bar, you tell her that you are in the book store.
Why do you lie?
“I don’t want her to yell on me again.” this is not harming anyone. This is harming you in a much greater way. You are not authentic, and your mind finds a way of avoiding pain in the future.
How to avoid pain? Just lie dude.
So, the next time when your boss asks, your parents ask, your children or your wife ask, something that causes some pain, you instantly lie because that is how you can avoid the pain.
That is how you have trained your brain.
You know you don’t feel good after you lie, you know you don’t feel good if you don’t honor your commitment, it is because your self-esteem is plummeting.
You don’t respect yourself.
Conclusion:
Becoming an Authenticman in this unauthentic world is not easy. It is truly a superpower, and few rare people can possess this quality because it is not easy.
Maybe you lose a lot because you didn’t take advantage of the situation, or maybe you even lose your job for telling the truth that you didn’t complete the project because you were playing games with friends in the weekends… but there will still be peace and your self-esteem will rise.
Without self-esteem, you cannot live a healthy and happy life. Your cognitive functions work best when you are authentic.
Also, you cannot subjugate a person of healthy self-esteem for long, he will grow sooner or later.
Best
Ahbab
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